Famous Quotes

“You can’t sit on a lead and run a few plays into the line and just kill the clock. You’ve got to throw the ball over the goddamn plate and give the other man his chance. That’s why baseball is the greatest game of them all.”
Earl Weaver

“Since baseball time is measured only in outs, all you have to do is succeed utterly; keep hitting, keep the rally alive, and you have defeated time. You remain forever young.”
Roger Angell

“You look forward to it like a birthday party when you’re a kid. You think something wonderful is going to happen.”
Joe DiMaggio, on Opening Day

“There really is a Big Dodger in the Sky and I think he has come down and taken over Hersheiser’s body.”
Tommy Lasorda, after Hersheiser’s eighth no-run job in ten starts 1988 [Baldham Boars]

“After the Series, the league above the major leagues will draft Orel Hersheiser as number one.”
Mike Marshall, after Hersheiser shut Oakland out on three hits and got himself three hits in Game 2 of the 1988 World Series [Baldham Boars]

“People ask me what I do in winter when there’s no baseball. I’ll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring.”
Ralph Houk

“Trying to sneak a fastball past Hank Aaron is like trying to sneak the sunrise past a rooster.”
Joe Adcock

“Ideally, the umpire should combine the integrity of a Supreme Court judge, the physical agility of an acrobat, the endurance of Job and the imperturbability of Buddha.”
Time Magazine, 8/25/61

“When you go through a game, make it every pitch like it was the last pitch that you’ll ever call – you’ll have a good game !”
Edwin D. Merrill, American League Umpire

“Kids today are looking for idols, but sometimes they look too far… They don’t have to look any farther than their home because those are the people that love you. They are the real heroes.”
Bobby Bonilla

“Every member of our baseball team at West Point became a general: this proves the value of team sports.”
Gen. Omar Bradley

“They can hollar at the uniform all they want, but when they hollar at the man wearing the uniform, they’re in trouble.”
Umpire Joe Brinkman

“Pro-rated at 500 at-bats per year, my 1,081 strike-outs would mean that for 2 years out of the 14 I played, I never touched the ball.”
Norm Cash

“I believe salaries are at their peak, not just in baseball, but all sports. It’s quite possible some owners will trade away, or even drop entirely, players who expect $200,000 salaries. There’s a superstar born every year… But still there is no way clubs can continue to increase salaries to the level some players are talking about.”
Peter O’Malley, 1971.

“I believe in the Rip Van Winkle Theory: that a man from 1910 must be able to wake up after being asleep for seventy years, walk into a ballpark and understand baseball perfectly.”
Bowie Kuhn, Commissioner of Baseball (1969-1984) [Baldham Boars]

“I think a baseball field must be the most beatiful thing in the world. It’s so honest and precise. And we play on it. Every star gets humbled. Every mediocre player has a great moment.”
Lowell Cohn in “The Temple of Baseball” (1981) [Baldham Boars]

“When we played softball, I’d steal 2nd base, feel guilty and go back.”
Woody Allen

“I’m not an athlete. I’m a professional baseball player.”
John Kruk

“If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to safe the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.”

“When you think about it, a home run is a mistake. The idea is to hit the ball hard, on a line, so the defense can’t react to it. Hit it high in the air, which is how most home runs are hit, and most of the time it will be caught. It’s a mistake.”
Matt Williams, Indians third baseman, always a threat to make a mistake. [Freising Grizzlies]

“One thing anyone can go through is a slump. Unless you’re Greg Maddux, it’s going to happen to everybody.”
Mike Piazza, Dodgers Catcher [Freising Grizzlies]

“Errors are part of my image. One night in Pittsburgh, thirty thousand fans gave me a standing ovation when I caught a hot dog wrapper on the fly.”
Dick “Stonefingers” Stuart, First Baseman for the Phillies, Pirates, Mets, Dodgers, Angels and Red Sox in the sixties, on himself [Baldham Boars]

“I owe my success to expansion pitching, a short right field fence, and my hollow bats.”
Norm Cash, First Baseman for the White Sox and Tigers 1958-74 [Baldham Boars]

“Nobody’s gone after Reds with this much vigor since Joe McCarthy.”
Jeff Blair of the Montreal Gazette, on the Expos’ Shane Andrews, who hit .471 (16-for-34) with six homers and 21 RBI against Cincinnati in August 1996 [Baldham Boars]

“It was as though I had my own tool bench out there with me.”
Yankee Pitcher Whitey Ford on himself cheating [Baldham Boars]

“This is a tough park for a hitter when the air conditioning is blowing in.”
Bob Boone on the Astrodome in Houston [Baldham Boars]

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“I am the most loyal player money can buy.”
Don Sutton, Pitcher for the Los Angeles Dodgers, Houston Astros, Milwaukee Brewers, Oakland Athletics and California Angels [Baldham Boars]

“Last year [1986], in 415 at bats, he had 27 homers and 80 steals. That’s 40 home runs and 120 steals for a full year. […] This year [1987], in 93 at bats, he’s hitting .409 with those 12 homers, 27 RBI, 28 runs and 13 steals. For a full year, that projects to … well, it doesn’t project to anything. It’s nonsense. More than 70 home runs, 170 RBI, 180 runs, 80 steals. Wayne Gretzky stats for baseball.”
Thomas Boswell on Eric Davis [Baldham Boars]

“When I was a small boy in Kansas, a friend of mine and I went fishing. I told him I wanted to be a real Major League baseball player, a genuine professional like Honus Wagner. My friend said that he’d like to be President of the United States. Neither of us got our wish.”
Dwight D. Eisenhower, 34th President of the USA [Baldham Boars]

“There have been only two geniuses in the world: Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare.”
Tallulah Bankhead, Actress (1903-1968) [Baldham Boars]

“We used to go to the racetrack after spring training practice in my day. Four of us would chip in fifty cents each to go to the two-dollar window. Yesterday I asked a player how he did at the track. He said ‘my horse won.’ I said, ‘how much did it pay?’ The player said, ‘no, coach, I didn’t bet on the horse, I own it.'”
Yankee Coach Mickey Vernon, 1985 [Baldham Boars]

“I knew June was Pedro [Guerrero]’s favorite month, so I told him that in the U.S., June had sixty days. I’d see him in July and say, ‘Well, Pedro, it’s June 52 and I see you’re still hot.'”
Los Angeles Dodgers Manager Tommy Lasorda, after Pedro Guerrero hit 15 home runs in June and .460 in July. [Baldham Boars]

“I don’t think my insurance company would think that’s a good idea.”
Boston’s Tim Wakefield, who pitched a complete-game six-hitter a day after being involved in a minor car accident, when it was suggested that he copy the pre-game routine before every start.

“That just shows you how this league has gone to hell.”
Left-hander Chuck Finley, on his selection as American League player of the week.

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“Expansion’s coming up (in 1998), pitching is thin and I’m left-handed.”
Former pitcher Tom Browning, who is eyeing a comeback after retiring last spring when he was unable to make the Royals’ pitching staff.

“There don’t seem to be any quote-unquote pitcher’s ballparks in the American League. At least in the National League you can catch a break in St. Louis, Houston, Montreal. In the AL, it’s like every park is Coors Field.”
Braves left-hander Tom Glavine, on why he thinks there are more home runs hit in the American League.

“I felt fine a week ago, so I was getting pretty anxious. There’s only so much rehab you can do, only so much batting practice you can take, and my wife is already pregnant. I needed to get back out there and play again.”
Brewers Pat Listach in July, finding his options limited as he waited to come off the DL, where he’d been since June 28.

“We set the table, but no one ate.”
Rangers manager Johnny Oates said Thursday after his team left 14 runners on base in an 8-3 loss to Oakland.

“The last thing you want to do is go down in the history of All-Star game competition as the only injury sustained during the team picture.”
Cal Ripken, whose nose was broken by Chicago White Sox reliever Roberto Hernandez, who momentarily lost his balance stepping down off a riser after the AL team picture was taken.

“When you’re in a slump, it’s almost as if you look out at the field and it’s one big glove.”
Vance Law [Baldham Boars]

“Umpire’s Heaven is a place where he works third base every game. Home is where the heartache is.”
Ron Luciano [Baldham Boars]

“I was hoping we’d be opening at Joe Robbie Stadium against Elmer Milktoast and the Gigiville nine. But unfortunately, it’s Bobby Cox and the world champion Atlanta Braves in Atlanta.”
New Florida Marlins manager John Boles on his managerial debut.

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“You can play for the three-run homer there a lot. Like every inning.”
Former Rockies and current Yankees catcher Joe Girardi, on playing at Coors Field.

“No one can stop a home run. No one can understand what it really is, unless you have felt it in your own hands and body. As the ball makes its high, long arc beyond the playing field, the diamond and the stands suddenly belong to one man. In that brief, brief time, you are free of all demands and complications.
Sadaharu Oh, Tokyo Giants Outfielder and All-Time Homerun Leader

“There were only two Bash Brothers (Mark McGwire and Jose Canseco), and one’s in Boston now. Maybe I can be a Bash Stepchild.”
Oakland’s Scott Brosius, who has 10 homers, after suggestions he’s ready to become a Bash Brother.

“[Before that,] I couldn’t drive home Miss Daisy.”
Boston outfielder Lee Tinsley, who had his first three RBI of the season Friday against Detroit.

“I’ll tell you, I don’t know what we ate during the off day, but we better eat more of it.”
A’s manager Art Howe, after Oakland hit a club record eight homers Thursday against California. Seven different players homered, tying a big league record.

“I have no clue what any of this means. For all I know, we don’t even have signs.”
Angels reliever Troy Percival, who didn’t understand any of third base coach Rick Burleson’s signs when asked to go to the plate for his first career at-bat.

“He’s hitting .450. Of course, everybody is hitting .450.”
Braves center fielder Marquis Grissom on his son D’Monte, who is playing T-ball at the age of 4.

“The music sounds better, the wine tastes sweeter and the girls look better when we win.”
Mark Grace, after the Chicago Cubs ended a six-game losing streak.

“I wasn’t scared. I just told them to give me all that hockey equipment.”
Roger Clemens who wore Mo Vaughn’s forearm pad and Kevin Mitchell’s shinguard to get his first major-league hit, after a series of shifts put the DH in left field, forcing the Boston pitcher to bat.

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“I was a nervous wreck out there. Swear to God. I felt like I was in the presence of the president.”
Mariners reserve catcher John Marzano, after hitting a double and winding up standing next to Baltimore’s Cal Ripken Jr.

“The ball is smaller, the planets are in line, the hole in the ozone layer is bigger, and so is Juan Gonzalez.”
Terry Mulholland, on why more home runs are being hit these days

“The two most important things in life are good friends and a b bullpen.”
Bob Lemon

“I was never nervous when I had the ball, but when I let go I was scared to death.”
Lefty Gomez

“There were times last year when people looked at the scoreboard and thought my batting average was the temperature.”
Buck Martinez

“The only people I ever felt intimidated by in my whole life were Bob Gibson and my Daddy.”
Dusty Baker

“I knew it would ruin my arm, but one year of 25-7 is worth five of 15-15.”
Steve Stone

“I took the two most expensive asprins in history.”
Wally Pipp on his decision to sit out a game with a headache which let Lou Gehrig into the lineup.

“The greatest thrill in the world is to end the game with a home run and watch everybody else walk off the field while you’re running the bases on air.”
Al Rosen

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“I don’t get upset over things I can’t control, because if I can’t control them there’s no use getting upset. And I don’t get upset over the things I can control, because if I can control them there’s no use in getting upset.”
Mickey Rivers

“They should move first base back one step to eliminate all those close plays.”
John Lowenstein

“Baseball is a lot like life. The line drives are caught, the squibbers go for base hits. It’s an unfair game.”
Ron Kanehl [Baldham Boars]

“I’m beginning to see Brooks [Robinson] in my sleep. If I dropped a paper plate, he’d pick it up on one hop and throw me out at first.”
Sparky Anderson

“The only reason I don’t like playing in the World Series is I can’t watch myself play.”
Reggie Jackson

“Not true at all. Vaseline is manufactured right here in the United States.”
Don Sutton, about the rumors that he uses a foreign substance on the ball

“If I had my career to play over, one thing I’d do differently is swing more. Those 1,200 walks I got…..nobody remembers them.”
Pee Wee Reese

“Fans don’t boo nobodies.”
Reggie Jackson

“Baseball players are smarter than football players. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?”
Jim Bouton

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“I thought I had it. I was twisting around like this. It grazed my glove, hit me on the head, and bounced over. I’ll be on ESPN for about a month.”
Jose Canseco

“I’m tired of it. I don’t want to hear about it anymore.”
Bill Buckner

“Looking at the ball going over the fence isn’t going to help.”
Hank Aaron

“The difference between the old ballplayer and the new ballplayer is the jersey. The old ballplayer cared about the name on the front. The new ballplayer cares about the name on the back.”
Steve Garvey

“You spend a good piece of your life gripping a baseball and in the end it turns out that it was the other way around all the time.”
Jim Bouton

“Why certainly I’d like to have that fellow who hits a home run every time at bat, who strikes out every opposing batter when he’s pitching, who throws strikes to any base or the plate when he’s playing outfield and who’s always thinking about two innings ahead just what he’ll do to baffle the other team. Any manager would want a guy like that playing for him. The only trouble is to get him to put down his cup of beer and come down out of the stands and do those things.”
Manager Danny Murtaugh

“October doesn’t care what your name is.”
Mike Lupica

“Guys ask me, don’t I get burned out? How can you get burned out doing something you love? I ask you, have you ever got tired of kissing a pretty girl?”
Tommy Lasorda

“I’m not out here to win a beauty contest.”
Kirk Gibson

“With those who don’t give a damn about baseball, I can only sympathize. I do not resent them. I am even willing to concede that many of them are physically clean, good to their mothers and in favor of world peace. But while the game is on, I can’t think of anything to say to them.”
Art Hill

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“When I get the record, all it will make me is the player with the most hits. I’m also the player with the most at bats and the most outs. I never said I was a greater player than Cobb.”
Pete Rose

“How come we drive on parkways and park on driveways ?”
Larry Anderson

“That’s why I don’t talk. Because I talk too much.”
Joquin Andujar

“Raise the urinals.”
Darrel Chaney on how management could keep the Braves on their toes

“I told [GM] Roland Hemond to go out and get me a big name pitcher. He said, ‘Dave Wehrmeister’s got 11 letters. Is that a big enough name for you ?'”
Eddie Eichorn, White Sox owner

“When I covered the Yankees in the ’60s, they had players like Horace Clarke, Ross Moschitto, Jake Gibbs and Dooley Womack. It was like the first-team missed the bus.”
Broadcaster Joe Garagiola

“The only way I’m going to get a Gold Glove is with a can of spray paint.”
Reggie Jackson

“All ballplayers should quit when it starts to feel as if all the baselines run uphill.”
Babe Ruth

“I heard doctors revived a man who had been dead for 4-1/2 minutes. When they asked him what it was like being dead, he said it was like listening to Yankees announcer Phil Rizzuto during a rain delay.”
David Letterman

“I’ve had so many x-rays that my pitches might take on a subtle glow. It will be tough to pick up my ball. It will look like an opaque-type fog.”
Joe Magrane

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“Just because I’m left-handed and quotable doesn’t mean I’m from another solar system.”
Joe Magrane

“The majority of American males put themselves to sleep by striking out the batting order of the New York Yankees.”
James Thurber [Baldham Boars]

“I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf.”
Tug McGraw, asked whether he preferred grass or Astroturf

“When I was a little boy, I wanted to be a baseball player and join the circus. With the Yankees, I’ve accomplished both.”
Graig Nettles

“It’s a good thing Babe Ruth isn’t here. If he was, George Steinbrenner would have him bat seventh and say he’s overweight.”
Graig Nettles

“He’s so ugly. When you walked by him, your pants wrinkle. He made fly balls curve foul.”
Mickey Rivers, on teammate Danny Napeleon’s looks

“I played third base like Brooks … Mel Brooks.”
Andy Van Slyke

“Who cares how long they are as long as they’re over the fence.”
Robin Ventura on a tape-measure homer

“I’m never satisfied. I can’t stand satisifaction. To me, greatness comes from that quest for perfection.”
Mike Schmidt

“Just take the ball and throw it where you want to. Throw strikes. Home plate don’t move.”
Satchel Paige

“I don’t want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it.”
Rogers Hornsby

“My best game plan is to sit on the bench and call out specific instructions like ‘C’mon Boog,’ ‘Get ahold of one, Frank,’ or ‘Let’s go, Brooks.'”
Earl Weaver

“Always root for the winner. That way you won’t be disappointed.”
Tug McGraw

“I’d walk through hell in a gasoline suit to play baseball.”
Pete Rose

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Casey Stengel

“They have shown me ways to lose I never knew existed.”
On his 1962 Mets [Baldham Boars]

“The only thing worse than a Mets game is a Mets double header.”
On his 1962 Mets [Baldham Boars]

“Nobody knows this [yet], but one of us has just been traded to Kansas City.”
Casey Stengel to Outfielder Bob Cerv [Baldham Boars]

“They examined all my organs. Some of them are quite remarkable and others are not so good. A lot of museums are bidding for them.”
Casey Stengel after being hospitalized for two weeks [Baldham Boars]

“Well, I made up my mind, but I made it up both ways.”
Casey Stengel on the question if he quits in case his Yankees lose the World Series to the Pirates in 1960 [Baldham Boars]

“I broke in with four hits and the writers promptly declared they had seen the new Ty Cobb. It took me only a few days to correct that impression.”

“All right, everybody line up alphabetically according to your height.”

“The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided.”

“I couldn’t have done it without my players.”
On winning the 1958 World Series

“Well, we’ve got this Johnny Lewis in the outfield. They hit a ball to him yesterday, and he turned left, then he turned right, then he went straight back and caught the ball. He made three good plays in one. And Greg Goossen, he’s only twenty and with a good chance in ten years of being thirty.”
On being asked how the Mets were doing

“How the hell should I know? Most of the people my age are dead. You could look it up.”
On being asked about his future in the spring of 1965

“The trouble is not that players have sex the night before a game. It’s that they stay out all night looking for it.”

“You have to have a catcher because if you don’t you’re likely to have a lot of passed balls.”

“You can’t get into the Hall of Fame unless you limp.”

“I’d always heard it couldn’t be done, but sometimes it don’t always work.”

“Johnny Sain don’t say much, but that don’t matter much, because when you’re out there on the mound, you got nobody to talk to.”

“Jerry Lumpe looks like the best hitter in the world until you put him in the lineup.”

“Ability is the art of getting credit for all the home runs somebody else hits.”

“I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks in batting practice.”

“I would not admire hitting against Ryne Duren, because if he ever hit you in the head you might be in the past tense.”

“I don’t like them fellas who drive in two runs and let in three.”

“They say some of my stars drink whiskey. But I have found that the ones who drink milkshakes don’t win many ballgames.”

“Lefthanders have more enthusiasm for life. They sleep on the wrong side of the bed and their head gets more stagnant on that side.”

“The way our luck has been lately, our fellas have been getting hurt on their days off.”

“We are in such a slump that even the ones that are drinkin’ aren’t hittin’.”

“You look up and down the bench and you have to say to yourself, “Can’t anybody here play this game?”

“There comes a time in every man’s life and I’ve had plenty of them.”

“Well, God is certainly getting an earful tonight.”
Sportswriter Jim Murray penning the perfect eulogy upon Stengel’s death in 1975

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Yogi Berra

“If you can’t imitate him, don’t copy him.”

“Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical.”

“You can observe a lot by watching.”

“In baseball, you don’t know nothing.”

“A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.”

“It’s like deja vu all over again.”

“If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

“I usually take a two-hour nap, from one o’clock to four.”

“If the people don’t want to come out to the park, nobody’s going to stop them.”

“Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel.”

“Think! How the hell are you gonna think and hit at the same time?”

“I didn’t really say everthing I said.”

“Bill Dickey is learning me his experience.”

“You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going because you might not get there.”

“Nobody goes there anymore because it’s too crowded.”

“I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.”

“I think Little League is wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the house.”

“It gets late early out there.”

“He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s amphibious.”

“I don’t know. They had bags over their heads.”
Asked if the fans that ran naked on the field were men or women

“I want to thank you for making this day necessary.”
On Yogi Berra Appreciation Day in St. Louis in 1947

“The other teams could make trouble for us if they win.”
On the American League situation

After receiving a check made out to “Bearer” for his appearance on Jack Buck’s pregame show in St. Louis:
“How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don’t know how to spell my name.”

Dale Berra, Pittsburgh Pirate shortstop and son of noted linguist Yogi Berra, on the comparisons being made between him and his father:
“Our similarities are different.”

Asked if first baseman Don Mattingly had exceeded his expectations this season:
“I’d say he’s done more than that.”

On the aquisition of fleet Ricky Henderson:
“He can run anytime he wants. I’m giving him the red light.”

On a fancy White House dinner he attended:
“It was hard to have a conversation with anyone, there were so many people talking.”

Don Baylor, New York Yankees DH, on Billy Martin and his predecessor Yogi Berra:
“Playing for Yogi is like playing for your father; playing for Billy is like playing for your father-in-law.”

Reminiscing during a TV interview about New York Yankee battery mate Don Larsen’s perfect game in the 1956 World Series:
“It’s never happened in the World Series competition, and it still hasn’t.”

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Bill Lee

“We’re on a first-number basis with each other. He calls me 3 and I call him 2.”
Bill Lee (1977 Red Sox uniform number 37) on Mark “The Bird” Fidrych (number 20 for the Tigers) [Baldham Boars]

“Winning is better than the next worse thing.”

“Do they leave it there during the game ?”
On first seeing Fenway’s Green Monster

“I think about the cosmic snowball theory. A few million years from now the sun will burn out and lose its gravitational pull. The earth will turn into a giant snowball and be hurled through space. When that happens it won’t matter if I get this guy out.”
On how he stayed relaxed in pressure situations

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Bob Uecker

“Anybody with ability can play in the big leagues. But to be able to trick people year in and year out the way I did, I think that was a much greater feat.”

“If a guy hits .300 every year, what does he have to look forward to? I always tried to stay around .190, with three or four RBI. And I tried to get them all in September. That way I always had something to talk about during the winter.”

“In 1962 I was named Minor League Player of the Year. It was my second season in the Bigs.”

“I signed with the Milwaukee Braves for $3,000. That bothered my dad at the time because he didn’t have that kind of dough. But he eventually scraped it up.”

“People don’t know this but I helped the Cardinals win the pennant. I came down with hepatitis. The trainer injected me with it.”

“The biggest thrill a ballplayer can have is when your son takes after you. That happened when my Bobby was in his championship Little League game. He really showed me something. Struck out three times. Made an error that lost the game. Parents were throwing things at our car and swearing at us as we drove off. Gosh, I was proud.”

“I had slumps that lasted into the winter.”

“I led the league in ‘Go get ’em next time.'”

“I set records that will never be equaled. In fact, I hope 90% of them don’t even get printed.”

“Career highlights? I had two. I got an intentional walk from Sandy Koufax and I got out of a rundown against the Mets.”

“When I came up to bat with three men on and two outs in the ninth, I looked in the other team’s dugout and they were already in street clothes.”

“When I looked at the third base coach, he turned his back on me.”

“Wait until it stops rolling and pick it up.”
On how to catch a knuckleball

“I hit a grand slam off Ron Herbel and when his manager Herman Franks came out to get him, he was bringing Herbel’s suitcase.”

“Sporting goods companies pay me not to endorse their products.”

“Baseball hasn’t forgotten me. I go to a lot of Old-Timers games and I haven’t lost a thing. I sit in the bullpen and let people throw things at me. Just like old times.”

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Lefty Gomez

“I’ve got a new invention. It’s a revolving bowl for tired goldfish.”

“I talked to the ball a lot of times in my career. I yelled, “Go foul. Go foul.”

“I was the worst hitter ever. I never even broke a bat until last year when I was backing out of the garage.”

“A lot of things run through your head when you’re going in to relieve in a tight spot. One of them was, ‘Should I spike myself ?'”

“The secret of my success was clean living and fast outfielders.”

“I am throwing twice as hard as I ever did. It’s just not getting there as fast.”

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Rocky Bridges

“It’s a good thing I stayed in Cincinnati for four years — It took me that long to learn how to spell it.”

“Coaching third with a pitcher on base is like being a member of a bomb disposal squad. The thing could blow up in your face at any moment.”

“You know when you’ve got it made? When you get your name in the crossword puzzles.”

“I prefer fast food.”
on why he won’t eat snails

“No little boy in the hospital asked me to hit one, I didn’t promise it to my kid for his birthday, and my wife will be too shocked to appreciate it. I hit it for me.”
after hitting his first home run in two seasons

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Jerry Coleman

“I’ve made a couple of mistakes I’d like to do over.”

“A day without newspapers is like walking around without your pants on.”

“If Pete Rose brings the Reds in first, they ought to bronze him and put him in cement.”

“It’s a basehit on the error by Roberts.”

“Thomas is racing for it, but McCovey is there and can’t get his glove to it. That play shows the inexperience, not on Thomas’ part, but on the part of Willie McC … well, not on McCovey’s part either.”

“Grubb goes back, back… He’s under the warning track and makes the play.”

“They throw Winfield out at second, but he’s safe.”

” They’ve taken the foot off Johnny Grubb. Uh, they’ve taken the shoe off Johnny Grubb.”

“Jesus Alou is in the on-deck circus.”

“From the way Denny’s shaking his head, he’s either got an injured shoulder or a gnat in his eye.”

“Ozzie makes a leaping, diving stop, shovels to Fernando and everybody drops everything.”

“There is someone warming up in the Giants’ bullpen, but he’s obscured by his number.”

“Johnny Grubb slides into second with a standup double.”

“Turner pulls into second with a sun-blown double.”

“Edwards missed getting Stearns at third base by an eyeball.”

“All the Padres need is a flyball in the air.”

“Davis fouls out to third in fair territory.”

“There’s a shot up the alley. Oh, it’s just foul.”

“The new Haitian baseball can’t weigh more than four ounces or less than five.”

“That’s the fourth extra base hit for the Padres — two doubles and a triple.”

“Houston has its largest crowd of the night here this evening.”

“Montreal leads Atlanta by three, 5-1.”

“Last night’s homer was Willie Stargell’s 399th career home run, leaving him one shy of 500.”

“The first pitch to Tucker Ashford is grounded into left field. No, wait a minute. It’s ball one. Low and outside.”

“That’s Hendrick’s 19th home run. One more and he reaches double figures.”

“Well, it looks like the all-star balloting is about over, especially in the National and American Leagues.”

“The Padres, after winning the first game of the doubleheader, are ahead here in the top of the fifth and hoping for a split.”

“At the end of six innings of play, it’s Montreal 5, Expos 3.”

“Tony Taylor was one of the first acquisitions that the Phillies made when they reconstructed their team. They got him from Pladelphia.”

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“Mike Caldwell, the Padres’ right-handed southpaw, will pitch tonight.”

“The ex-left-hander Dave Roberts will be going for Houston.”

“Hector Torrez, how can you communicate with Enzo Hernandez when he speaks Spanish and you speak Mexican ?”

“Rich Folkers is throwing up in the bullpen.”

“I sure hope you’re staying alive for the upcoming Dodgers series.”

“National League umpires wear inside chest protesters.”

“The Phillies beat the Cubs today in a doubleheader. That puts another keg in the Cubs’ coffin.”

“Reggie Smith of the Dodgers and Gary Matthews of the homers hit Braves in that game.”

“Gaylord Perry and Willie McCovey should know each other like a book. They’ve been ex-teammates for years now.”

“Sanguillen is totally unpredictable to pitch to because he’s so unpredicatable.”

“Ron Guidry is not very big, maybe 140 pounds, but he has an arm like a lion.”

“The way he’s swinging the bat, he won’t get a hit until the 20th century.”

“There’s two heads to every coin.”

“Billy Almon has all of his inlaw and outlaws here this afternoon.”

“If ever an error had “F” written on it, that grounder did.”

“On the mound is Randy Jones, the left-hander with the Karl Marx hairdo.”

“Over the course of a season, a miscue will cost you more than a good play.”

“The game in St. Louis has been halted in the fourth inning because of rain. I’ll bet they have the jacuzzis going there.”

“Shirley and Griffey get along like a rattler and a parrot.”

“If Rose’s streak was still intact, with that single to left, the fans would be throwing babies out of the upper deck.”

“He can be lethal death.”

“Sometimes, big trees grow out of acorns. I think I heard that from a squirrel.”

“Gonzo leaps like a giraffe and grabs it.”

“Hats off to drug abusers everywhere.”

“That noise in my earphones knocked my nose off and I had to pick it up and find it.”

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